Those Times When You Just Thought 'Huh'
by VivyPotter
Summary: These magical folk do seem to have a problem with sensible thinking, and 'wizard logic' just isn't an excuse! Not anymore, anyway. Join me, on my cynical and nit-picking quest to make a general nuisance of myself, in... Those Times When You Just Thought 'Huh' (Or: The Harry Potter Cast Have OOC Moments Of Logic)
1. Train Station Trouble

**Hello, and welcome to: Those Times When You Just Thought 'Huh'**

**This is where I discuss the various and controversial plotholes that were bound to have appeared in such a complicated story such as Harry Potter, but in character format.**

**It's kind of like a more detailed Plothole!Harry, for those of you who have travelled from The Many Harry Potters of Little Hangleton. Hi to you guys! This probably won't be as long, and is bound to be more controversial, seeing as I'm commenting on the original series and not fanfiction clichés, but it'll be in mostly the same style.**

**My beloved beta RUGoing2writethat shall be joining me again in my quest!**

**THIS IS INSPIRED BY 'Run that by me again?' by the wonderful Sarah1281. I will not copy from her works, but some of the points and arguments may be similar, as I think her work is just brilliant, and some of her chapters inspired a point I want to make.**

**PLEASE BE AWARE that these are my OWN opinions and thoughts. I am not trying to hate on HP, I love it! I just get my joy out of picking holes in beautiful things. ;D**

**IF YOU WISH TO DEBATE any of the content or points, please do so in a constructive and respectful way. I would really love to have a conversation, and maybe I can learn something! We can be friends, really.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have the rights to Harry Potter, and all rights go to JK. The italic sections are direct quotes from the books, and all the work of the wonderful JK.**

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><p><em>Set<em>: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, chapter 6 (The Journey From Platform Nine and Three-Quarters)

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><p><em>'<em>_Excuse me,' Harry said to the plump woman. _

_'__Hullo, dear,' she said. 'First time at Hogwarts? Ron's new, too.'_

_She pointed at the last and youngest of her sons. He was tall, thin and gangling, with freckles, big hands and feet, ad a long nose._

_'__Yes,' said Harry. 'The thing is- the thing is, I don't know how to-'_

_'__How to get on to the platform?' she said kindly, and Harry nodded._

_'__Not to worry,' she said. 'All you have to do is walk straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Don't stop and don't be scared you'll crash into it, that's very important. Best do it at a bit of a run if you're nervous. Go on now before Ron.'_

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><p>Harry mentally cursed Hagrid. Surely there was some sort of <em>guide<em> for the other children from non-magical families? Not everyone could be suspiciously lucky enough to run into a loudly-shouting and obviously-magical family? Hagrid had remembered to give him his tickets, surely it wasn't too much of a stretch to give him directions on how to _use_ them. 'It's all on yer ticket'- what rubbish.

Harry regarded the rather convincingly _solid_ brick wall in front of him. "Er, wouldn't it be easier to, y'know, lean against the wall, or something? It might help to reduce the freezing fear of being squished like a bug."

"Don't be silly," the woman dismissed, smiling patronisingly, "It's much less scary to run full pelt at that very solid-looking wall!"

Harry blinked and frowned. "No, you see I'm not buying that. Not at all. Although it _is_ a lot less silly than the idea that muggles don't notice groups of kids with huge trunks and an owl disappearing, whilst running, into a wall, in the middle of the 9th biggest train station in Great Britain. I can't believe the conductor hasn't gotten suspicious yet! I must be the 100th kid to ask him about this non-existent station!"

The woman shrugged. "But how else are muggle-borns supposed to reach it? We have to put it in some kind of easily recognisable location, for heaven's sake. It's not like we could give them the postcode or street name where there's a subtle entrance, where we could clearly organise the muggleborns and inform them of the foreign world they're entering, instead of stranding them helplessly in a crowded station. And the idea of giving them a timed portkey or something since, you know, _magic_? Ha! What rot! It's much better to have it in the middle of good old King's Cross."

"But that's just ridiculous! How are magical-born families supposed to reach it? Somehow I just can't imagine Draco Malfoy travelling on the Underground."

"Oh no, dear, purebloods _presumably_ travel through fireplace to get to the train. Because you can't just have a floo straight to Hogwarts, oh _no_. You must get a train. A _muggle_ train. For some reason..."

"Fireplace?" Harry raised his eyebrows doubtfully. "You're not worried about burning to death?"

"It's _magical_ fire," she explained slowly, leaning over and staring into his face.

"How do you know this?" Harry narrowed his eyes.

"_We're_ purebloods," she said happily, wrapping an arm around Ron (who groaned and batted his mum's arm away, grumbling "Gerroff,")

"So why are you using the muggleborn entrance?" Harry asked curiously.

She looked at him very seriously. "Because, depending upon fan theories; it's either Dumbledore's evil plan, or a plot device in order for you to meet Ron's family and ascertain that we are _very_ nice people." She gestured to Ron cheerfully. "Say hello to your new best friend!"


	2. Electrical Issues

**These aren't going to be in chronological order, I thought I should warn you.**

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><p><strong>Sorry I haven't posted in a bit. Writer's block and bronchitis combined? Doesn't make for a productive VivyPotter. Plus <strong>**I just got really into Kuroshitsuji. Anyone else watch it?**

**I'm currently sort-of-writing a fanfiction of Luna's legendary Quidditch commentary. Would anyone be interesting in reading that?**

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><p><em>Set<em>: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, chapter 28 (The Madness of Mr Crouch)

_"__All those substitutes for magic Muggles use – electricity, and computers and radar, and all those things – they all go haywire around Hogwarts, there's too much magic in the a__ir."_

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><p>"Bullshit." Harry said, ears still wiggling.<p>

"WHAT?" Hermione and Ron looked at him in shock.

"Sorry," he apologised. "That was out of character. I meant to say: bloody rubbish."

His friends sighed in relief.

"How is it rubbish?" Hermione demanded. "I got that information from a _book_!"

"First off: Muggle substitute for magic? _Really_ Hermione? You think muggles created TV just to _substitute_ for magic? Because your parents _clearly_ have to make up for the fact that they don't possess the superior magical powers that you do."

"Harry, I obviously didn't mean that," Hermione dismissed.

"Are you sure? Because you sounded like Malfoy for a second there."

"I did _not_!"

"You did too. Even Ron knows it."

They both looked at the flustered Weasley, who was looking between them in bewilderment. "Harry, mate, I don't really think-"

"_Ron_," Harry said warningly.

"Fine! Hermione, you did sound a bit like that snaky git for a moment-"

"_Excuse_ me-!" Hermione protested.

"_But_," Ron hurried to add, "I'm sure it was just a… momentary thing, you know? All that time with the ferret was bound to rub off."

"I have not been spending _time_ with Malfoy!" Hermione screeched furiously.

"Well, you have," Ron said, a little resentfully. "All those hours in the _library_, of all places-"

"I was studying!" Hermione protested.

"And secondly," Harry interrupted the two before they could kick off. "I'm really confused about this whole 'electricity and magic don't mix' thing."

"It's really rather simple, Harry-" Hermione began to explain.

"Oh I'm sure you can reel off some kind of magical theory about wards and electrical currents, but it doesn't work in practise."

Hermione paused and eyed him suspiciously. "Go on."

"Well, think of Diagon Alley. It's right in the middle of London, and have you ever heard of an area in London where electricity just 'doesn't work'? And even if Diagon Alley has some kind of convenient 'wards' or it's just in another place entirely and you're somehow 'transported' there after stepping through the brick wall, there's still the matter of the Leaky Cauldron. It's right on the street!"

"I dunno, mate," Ron shrugged. "Maybe it's not magical enough."

"Not magical enough?!" Harry scoffed. "It has a very heavy Notice-Me-Not spell placed right over it!"

"Well maybe that's… shielded, in a way?" Hermione tried.

"Ridiculous," Harry said. "It was just a stupid excuse for why muggles haven't tracked the huge unknown blind-spot in the middle of the Scottish highlands that is Hogwarts, and bombed the hell out of it."

"They can do that?" Ron looked horrified.

Harry sighed. "Yes Ron. Yes they can. I'd like to see what that was a 'substitution' for." He looked at Hermione pointedly.

"Alright!" Hermione exploded. "So I was politically incorrect, sue me! What matters is that electricity doesn't work around magic, so _there_!"

"Fine," Harry allowed. "But it doesn't make sense."

"Agreed," Hermione nodded resolutely. "And believe me, I _will_ be investigating it."

"Good."

There was a silence.

"So why _have_ you been spending so much time with Malfoy?" Ron asked.

"RONALD! There's no way I'd _ever_ date Malfoy! He's racist, stupid, irritating, annoying, foul, hideous and I quite literally _punched him in the face _last year!" Hermione yelled, frustrated.

"Oh," Ron mumbled.

"So why did I see you guys snogging down at the lake?" Harry asked.

"HA! I KNEW IT!" Ron brandished his finger triumphantly at Hermione. "Wait, you did _what_? But HA! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING! But _Malfoy_-?" He was clearly undecided if he was disappointed, appalled, or satisfied.

"HARRY!" Hermione screeched, a furious blush creeping up her neck.

"What?" Harry shrugged innocently, a smug grin appearing. "I did."

Hermione 'hmphed' and spun around angrily, stalking off in the general direction of the library muttering under her breath. Harry caught snatches of "…show him… catch her… hate him… did _not_… see if I-" before she got out of earshot.

Harry turned around and gave his still-confused friend a pitiful look. "See you in the common room."

And then he walked away. "'Muggle substitute'- ha!"


End file.
